Tick-Tock Tex and The Terrifying Tomboy


	Tex Android opened the doors of the saloon.  The whole place
	went silent as the doors swung to a close behind him.  Even
	the piano player stopped tinkling the ivories.  He had a sign on his back which said 'Don't shoot me.'
		In another corner sat Travis and young Gracie the slim young tomboy.  They were playing cards.  She was beating him at 'snap.' 
	It was Gracie who broke the silence by looking at the so and so in question.
		'What a mean lookin' rattlesnake.' she said.  She wasn't 
talking about the Android.  For some reason he had a rattlesnake 
around his neck.
		Travis shifted uncomfortably in his seat.  It had taken him and Gracie three hours to get there.  He 'd been so long on his horse	that with blisters added he rode tall in the saddle.
		The Android looked in their direction then he spat some black oil on the floor.  He was a slippery customer.
		As the Android clanked up to the bar steam came out of his nostrils - he was always steaming. 
		'3-in-one,' he snarled at the trembling barrman, 'real fine grade.'
		Everyone had turned back to their own business.  Some of the cowboy so-and-so's present had been eating beans for breakfast.  The place had a real bad atmosphere.
		'Tex Android is bad news,' said Travis.
		'He sure is, that mean son-of-a-rabid prairie dog,' said Gracie out of the side of her mouth.  She was smoking a big cigar. 'Do you know he held up the stage, robbed the bank, shot three deputies and beat up ten men.'
		'One day,' said Travis, 'he'll go too far.'
		A girl slid up to the prosperous-looking Tex.  She slid up on the	oil he had spat earlier.  She was a cowgirl - she looked like a cow.
	Her perfume was corral number five.  If you closed your eyes when she was around you could imagine yourself back amongst the cattle.  She reminded him of Maddona.  She thought her knickers were for keeping her ankles warm.
		'Say, what could you do fur a gal?' she asked.
		Tex smiled, showing his metal teeth.  'Git outta here, you're not ma type.'
		'What is your type?'
		'Innercent virgins.'
		The girl left muttering something about hens teeth.
		'My round,' said Gracie going over to the bar.  The young tomboy looked real feminine, except for the cowboy hat,jeans spurs, chaps, long boots and laser guns.  She wore gold earrings to match her front teeth.
		Tex smiled at her as she approached.  She knew all about him.	He used to make models of cows out of brown paper and shake them.  Yes he was a cattle rustler.
		'Say, what you doin' gal?'
		'Flying a kite,' answered Gracie ungraciously.
		'How's about we get together?  I'm fully pnuematic'. said the so-and-so in question.
		Travis jumped out of his seat.   He wasn't going to defend her, his blisters had just burst.  It was pouring down his legs.  He jumped out in front of the Android.
		'You sol-garned treble weskitt darn galled horse-flushin' son of that rattlesnakes brothers sisters cousin'.'
		'Thanks for that authentic frontier gibberish,' said Gracie.
	'Now let's get our drink and never mind this son-of-a-gun.'
		'You'd better come with me,' said Tex. 'I burned down
	the church.'
		'Holy smoke.'
		'Otherwise I'd make an honest women of ya.'
		'That's more than all the others have done.'
		'Get back or I'll kill you,' threatened Travis. 'Just like	that.'
		'What not like this?'
		'No, like that.' they sounded like Tommy Cooper.
		'Reach for yer bun,' snarled Travis.
		'You mean ma gun.'
		'No, bun, I thought we could have a snack first.'
		'Reach for ya lasers.'
		But before they could fire Gracie spotted the domino players in the corner.  She dived under their table and threw it up as a shield dragging Travis with her.  The players scattered and so did their dominoes.
		'Watch him,' screamed Gracie, 'he's got stone legs and a solid head and a brow of granite.'
		'You mean he's a hard man?'
		Gracie was tired of listening.  She fired at Tex and blew	off one of his ears.  Then she shot off the other.
		'Surrender,' she yelled.
		'Can't hear ya,' snarled Tex.  He fired, but his shot went	wide and knocked off a stuffed Moose above their heads which rolled away.   The moose was loose aboot the hoose.
		Gracie raised her twin lasers and hit the villain squarely on the chest.  All his circuits were blown.
		'Ya got me,' he sighed and then his lights went out.
		Gracie and Travis stood over the body.
		'Hey,' said Gracie, 'the cowboy needs a hearse.'
		'He wasn't bad,' Travis told her, 'just badly wired.'
		Tex was dragged away to be recycled, especially the pnuematic bits.
	Gracie went for the drinks.  When she came back Travis was mounted on an iron cooking stove in the corner.
		'What are you doin'?'
		'What does it look like I'm doing?' he demanded.  'I'm a 
	cowboy.  I'm ridin' the range.'
		'Oh boy,' sighed Gracie.


The End
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